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Family Stew - Your Family, Your Future

Fri November 21/2008


  • Sometimes we're so concerned about giving our children what we never had growing up, we neglect to give them what we did have growing up. (James Dobson)



Underinsured Struggle To Afford Health Care
20 Nov 2008 at 10:21am
Improved medicines and treatments are increasing life expectancy for people with cystic fibrosis. But insurance doesn't pay for enough of those medical costs, leaving families affected by the disease to struggle with the financial consequences.
Diagnosis Can Miss ADHD Symptoms In Girls
18 Nov 2008 at 1:54pm
The majority of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) research has focused on boys. But recent research shows that many girls who have ADHD simply aren't diagnosed — ADHD manifests itself in girls as detachment and distraction rather than in the disruptive behavior often seen in boys.
Boy On Life Support Stirs Debate On Faith, End-Of-Life Care
14 Nov 2008 at 12:00pm
Motl Brody, a 12 year-old Jewish boy from New York, was diagnosed with a brain tumor earlier this year and is now brain dead. The boy's doctors say they've done all they can to save his life, and it's time to end treatment. Brody's parents, citing religious convictions, oppose removing their son from life support. Brody's fate could eventually be left to the courts. Rabbi Dr. Edward Reichman discusses personal faith, ethics and end-of-life care.




The Removal Of Donor Anonymity in The UK: The Silencing Of Claims By Would-Be...
by turkmendag, I., Dingwall, R., Murphy, T.
30 Sep 2008 at 12:00am

From 1 April 2005, UK law was changed to allow children born through gamete donation to access identifying details of the donor. The decision to abolish donor anonymity was strongly influenced by a discourse that asserted the ‘child's right-to-know’ their genetic origins. The main consequence of this reform has been an acute shortage of donors. However, little has been heard from those most directly affected, would-be parents. It is not clear to what extent they have chosen to remain silent or have been silenced by exclusion from the public realm of debate. This article reports the findings of a qualitative study of an online support group for people undergoing donor conception. These suggest that would-be parents feel intimidated from publicly voicing their concerns about the impact of the donor shortage. However, their understandings of welfare and kinship are very different from those of the policy elites responsible for this legal reform. Their reluctance to mobilize around these partly reflects the variety of ways in which they can avoid the impact of this legislation. The new disclosure policy has increased subterfuge rather than openness.


The Dutch Approach To Informal Lifestyles: Family Function Over Family Form?
by Schrama, W. M.
30 Sep 2008 at 12:00am

In this article, the Dutch approach to informal lifestyles will be analysed on the basis of legal developments during the period 1970–2006 in a number of legal areas, such as landlord and tenant law, inheritance tax law, and social security law. The debate between family function and family form is the point of departure. This is highly relevant, since the number of couples living together unmarried is steadily increasing in the Netherlands. Non-marital cohabitation actually consists of a number of different types, including pre-marital, post-marital, and long-term cohabitation. However, surprisingly little sociological data on informal lifestyles are available, so it is difficult to combine sociological research with legal data. The results of the legal analyses demonstrate that the Dutch legal system has generally accepted non-marital cohabitation in most areas by recognizing both the emotional and economic ties between cohabiting partners. However, in the fields of family law, inheritance law, and criminal and criminal procedural law, informal lifestyles are mostly ignored. This is hardly acceptable, taking into account the aim of most of the provisions, which is generally not so much the recognition of the family form as such, but the recognition of the underlying family functions. In this respect, the form over function fields should be fundamentally reconsidered in order to do justice to the changed social reality.


Realizing South African Children'S Basic Socio-Economic Claims Against Parent...
by Bonthuys, E.
30 Sep 2008 at 12:00am

There are two systems for realizing South African children's basic socio-economic rights: the ‘private’ system for claiming maintenance from parents and the ‘public’ system of child welfare. This article compares the courts’ responses to problems in realizing children's rights in these two systems, focusing particularly on the emerging jurisprudence dealing with recalcitrant social welfare departments. Although courts have been willing to adopt innovative and severe measures against private maintenance defaulters, a similar willingness to issue drastic orders against malfunctioning government departments only arose once it became clear that they were deliberately ignoring court orders. Failures in both systems have prompted the courts to craft original, socially responsible legal rules and to limit the technical defences that prevent the realization of constitutional rights. In the welfare cases, courts have assumed sweeping remedial powers against government officials, relying on the claimants’ fundamental constitutional rights. The article concludes by setting out the limits of court intervention in ensuring effective realization of children's rights, especially for the most disadvantaged children.




PIP For Parents

PIP (Positive Interpersonal Programming) helps you look at yourself and at your most significant relationships. It is not a test. Rather, PIP enables you to see your stronger and less strong areas, those things that you do better and those things that you do less well, those things within which you should find pride and satisfaction and those things deserving a little more time and attention from you.

Each section focuses on an important area of your parent life. Within each section are several statements about the most important interpersonal elements for that area. Going through all of the sections and statements will help you look at your parenting strengths area by area and specifically at your strengths and less strong points within each area.

To the left of the statements within each section is a blank. Put a "5" on the blank if the statement is always true for you. Put a "4" if it is usually true for you. Put a "3" if it is sometimes true for you. Put a "2" on the blank if the statement is seldom true and a "1" if it is almost never true for you.

5 = almost always true

4 = usually true

3 = sometimes true

2 = seldom true

1 = almost never true

Once you have finished a section, add together your ratings for all of the statements in that section. This will give you a combined score. Next, divide the combined score by the number of statements in the section. This will give you an average score for that section. Write in your average score for the section in the blank to the left at the beginning of the section. Once you have finished all sections, add together your average scores for each section and then divide by the total number of sections. This will give you a composite score indicating how well you function overall as a parent.

When you are finished, you will find that you have some points that represent real strengths for you and some points that represent less strong elements. The goal is to work toward average scores of "4" or above within each section and an overall composite score of "4" or above.

How do you achieve this level? Go back to the individual statements, locating those statements where you gave yourself a "1", "2", or "3". These represent the specific things on which you need to work.

It is important to use two approaches. First, be sure that you spend most of your time and energy doing those things that you do well: those things where you gave yourself a "4" or "5". Do what you do well and do it as much as possible.

Next, begin to give some time, thought, and energy to increasing how often you show the behavior, attitude, characteristics, and so on shown in those statements where you gave yourself lower ratings. Emphasize your strong points and gradually strengthen your less strong areas.

____ Being A Parent

1. ____ Managing the Children

A. ____ I effectively discipline the children.

B. ____ I understand their real needs.

C. ____ I expect about the same things of and for the children as do other adults at home.

D. ____ I deal firmly but gently with the children.

E. ____ I am able to get the children to cooperate.

2. ____ Relating to the Children

A. ____ I spend time with them.

B. ____ I am someone with whom the children want to spend time.

C. ____ I am interested in their activities and involvements.

D. ____ I am interested in their problems and difficulties.

E. ____ I am pleased with the children.

F. ____ I am sensitive to their moods and feelings.

G. ____ I give the children room to grow, room to make mistakes, and room to experiment with life.

3. ____ Modeling for the Children

A. ____ I set a good example for them.

B. ____ I communicate a positive image of the children to them.

C. ____ I take time to explain things to the children and to discuss things with them.

4. ____ Being Responsible

A. ____ I adequately supervise the children.

B. ____ I recognize and deal with their real problems.

C. ____ I am committed to the children.

D. ____ I appreciate and encourage their individuality.



Both May Be Right

“In every dispute between parent and child, both cannot be right, but they may be, and usually are, both wrong. It is this situation which gives family life its peculiar hysterical charm.” -- Isaac Rosenfeld

Rosenfeld almost got it right, but not quite. Certainly, in every dispute between parent and child, both may be wrong. It’s also true that they both may be right; and to some extent, they usually are. Although parent/child disputes are typically treated as a special category, they are better understood merely as disputes, not particularly different from other disputes. Quite simply, people are disagreeing. That’s all there is to it.

When parents and children disagree, the dispute is viewed differently than other disagreements. In the latter, there is an assumed balance or parody between the participants. In the former, there is a strong tendency to assume that the parent is right and the child is wrong. For the child to pursue the contrary view is disrespectful.

When adults disagree, they seldom dispute the observable facts. They are usually disagreeing about the correct interpretation, meaning, or significance of those facts. When parents and children disagree, it’s usually over “enough;” early enough, late enough, clean enough, good enough, well enough, and so on. Even so, the dispute represents a difference in point of view, opinion, or interpretation. The point is that the issue is normally not the kind of situation where someone is right and someone is wrong. Both parties are at least partially right. Instead of understanding it as a dispute or argument, it needs to be seen as a negotiation, not dissimilar from any other negotiation.

This converts most parent/child disputes to either negotiations or unilateral decision making. The parent either negotiates or lays down the law, so to speak. There is no dispute or argument. Deciding which is appropriate is difficult; but Virginia Satir has a perspective that helps, “Feelings of worth can flourish only in an atmosphere where individual differences are appreciated, mistakes are tolerated, communication is open, and rules are flexible -- the kind of atmosphere that is found in a nurturing family.”

Of course, Sidonie Gruenberg was right, “Home is the place where boys and girls first learn how to limit their wishes, abide by rules, and consider the rights and needs of others;” but Thomas Moore was also right, “Family life is full of major and minor crises -- the ups and downs of health, success and failure in career, marriage, and divorce -- and all kinds of characters. It is tied to places and events and histories. With all of these felt details, life etches itself into memory and personality. It's difficult to imagine anything more nourishing to the soul.”

The conclusion is this. Lay down the law with your children, when you must. The rest of the time, negotiate, using the same tact and interpersonal charm you use with everyone else with whom you occasionally disagree.



You will enjoy these Free Parenting Ebooks. You will also enjoy this Collection of Management-related articles. You will also enjoy browsing the Leadership Village Press library. Additionally, The Frustrating Elite will be of interest. You will also find challenges if you choose to check out Management School and Proactive Leaders.



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