The Leadership Village Network

All publications featured in the table toward the end of the page are available for FREE download from our Downloads Page.

Contact
Subscribe


Both May Be Right

"In every dispute between parent and child, both cannot be right, but they may be, and usually are, both wrong. It is this situation which gives family life its peculiar hysterical charm." -- Isaac Rosenfeld

Rosenfeld almost got it right, but not quite. Certainly, in every dispute between parent and child, both may be wrong. It's also true that they both may be right; and to some extent, they usually are. Although parent/child disputes are typically treated as a special category, they are better understood merely as disputes, not particularly different from other disputes. Quite simply, people are disagreeing. That's all there is to it.

When parents and children disagree, the dispute is viewed differently than other disagreements. In the latter, there is an assumed balance or parody between the participants. In the former, there is a strong tendency to assume that the parent is right and the child is wrong. For the child to pursue the contrary view is disrespectful.

When adults disagree, they seldom dispute the observable facts. They are usually disagreeing about the correct interpretation, meaning, or significance of those facts. When parents and children disagree, it's usually over "enough;" early enough, late enough, clean enough, good enough, well enough, and so on. Even so, the dispute represents a difference in point of view, opinion, or interpretation. The point is that the issue is normally not the kind of situation where someone is right and someone is wrong. Both parties are at least partially right. Instead of understanding it as a dispute or argument, it needs to be seen as a negotiation, not dissimilar from any other negotiation.

This converts most parent/child disputes to either negotiations or unilateral decision making. The parent either negotiates or lays down the law, so to speak. There is no dispute or argument. Deciding which is appropriate is difficult; but Virginia Satir has a perspective that helps, "Feelings of worth can flourish only in an atmosphere where individual differences are appreciated, mistakes are tolerated, communication is open, and rules are flexible -- the kind of atmosphere that is found in a nurturing family."

Of course, Sidonie Gruenberg was right, "Home is the place where boys and girls first learn how to limit their wishes, abide by rules, and consider the rights and needs of others;" but Thomas Moore was also right, "Family life is full of major and minor crises -- the ups and downs of health, success and failure in career, marriage, and divorce -- and all kinds of characters. It is tied to places and events and histories. With all of these felt details, life etches itself into memory and personality. It's difficult to imagine anything more nourishing to the soul."

The conclusion is this. Lay down the law with your children, when you must. The rest of the time, negotiate, using the same tact and interpersonal charm you use with everyone else with whom you occasionally disagree.

Choosing The Right Probiotics For Children

May 16, 2012
Probiotics Supplements Explained

asked:




When considering what form of probiotics is best for your children, you should consider the various forms of probiotics available on the market, whether or not they have implied side effects, the quality, and the quantity that is best suited for your child. Before you make a decision on the best form of probiotics for your child, take all the necessary time to ensure that you are properly educated on all aspects of probiotics.

There are many forms of probiotics available on the market today. The main differentiating factor of the various probiotic supplements available in today’s market is the strain or strains of probiotics offered in a given supplement. Some probiotic supplements only contain one strain of the live bacteria, while others contain multiple strains of live bacteria. Different strains of probiotics will have different effects on your child’s body. There are some strains of probiotics that affect the overall digestive health and others that focus on combating diseases. Common forms of probiotics are liquids, pills, capsules, powders, and pastes.

The debate regarding the best form of probiotics is ongoing. When considering the most appropriate form for your child, it is important to pay close attention to the delivery mechanism of that form of probiotics you will be putting into the digestive system. Keep in mind that a child’s stomach is a rather hostile environment for the live bacteria in probiotics. The ideal form of probiotics will be one that can survive this hostile environment and travel safely through the digestive system into the intestinal tract, where it is most effective.

The best recommended form of probiotics for children is the dried frozen form. When using the dried frozen form, it is important to be aware of the fact that room temperature water should be used, instead of cool or warm water. This is because a cool or warm temperature kills the live bacteria in probiotics. However, as delicate as the freeze dried or any form of probiotics may be, it is still one of the fastest forms of the supplement to reach the ideal spot in the digestive system of the human body. Not to mention, you can rid yourself of all doubt by consulting your medical practitioner in an effort to help you decide on the most ideal form of probiotics for your child or children.

There are no official side effects associated with the use of probiotics in children. However, as a parent, you should approach the process the same way you would approach introducing any new food to your child, keeping a keen eye out for allergic reactions and any adverse effects it may have on your child. Your child is the key guide in the process. Consider what he or she will accept the easiest, especially because it is new. By the way, stick to the kid flavors. Choosing the right probiotics for your child is not as complicated as it may seem, and the benefits far outlast any stress you may experience during this process.



Caffeinated Content

Comments Off
Tags , ,

Step Parenting – How To Talk To Your Step Kids In The Beginning

May 15, 2012
Home And Family

Lizzie Ducking asked:




It is important to be straight forward with Step Children from the very beginning because it is possible that they will tempt us to see just how far they can go with us. They need to know whether or not we would take authority with them and if we do not, they will have the edge on us and will not easily let it go later on.

I became a Step Mother to two Children in their late teens. There were two things that I told them from the start one was, I was not trying to replace their Mother and the other one was, I am not their friend but I am someone that they could count on.

I was not trying to replace their Mother who is deceased because I know that I cannot. I want them to cherish her memories but also go on with their lives and if I can help them to do that then I would. They had a relationship with her and it is not right for me to try to erase her memories so I put them at ease by telling them that I am not trying to replace her.

I told them that I am not their friend because a friend or rather a so called friend would allow for anything. I am not that way. I knew that I would have to say some things to them that would probably make them think that I did not like them and this is why I told them that I would be there for them. If I had to chastise them for any reason, they needed to know that I am still with them and that my love for them had not changed.

Developing a relationship with Step Kids is learning and growing process. Some days it would seem that you are making progress but other days it would seem like you have lost what you had. The thing to do is to just keep trying.

A funny thing that happens in my family (at least it is funny to me) is when I arrived in this family the Children thought that they had a live in maid. They would not clean up nor do any chores that I asked them to do. They expected me to do it all and for a while I did but I began to think, what could I do to get their participation? I decided that I could not cook for them if they did not do their chores. They were welcome to the food in the house but they had to cook it themselves. They were not allowed to eat what I had cooked so after a couple of days of this, they started doing their chores.

It is important to treat Step Children just like our own because they might be feeling inferior so all the Children in the home should be treated the same. I told my Step Children that I would uphold them if they are right but I will not do it if they are in the wrong. I wanted them to understand that I am for doing right because wrongdoing can have serious consequences.

It is important to let them know from the beginning that we care about them. It is so easy for them to get a negative impression of us so our love for them should be shown and not just said. Children connect better to what they see rather than what they hear.

Be honest with them from the beginning. Be yourself and do not put on any pretense, they have an ability to pick up on falsehood sooner than adults. Also no one is able to continue falsehood for very long, the truth will evidently come out. To avoid this, simply be you from the beginning with them and there will be no surprises. They will appreciate us more if we are real with them.

There will be changes or adjustments in the family so let them know about it in advance so that they can be prepared for it. Let them know your rules and the things you like as ask their input on it. Ask what they like and make adjustments to it if possible this will make them feel that they are still a part of the family and not an outsider.

Setting the foundation from the beginning with Step Children will make our life with them a lot easier.



step-parenting

Comments Off
Tags , ,
« Older Posts

Home TOC Next

Marriage and Family

PIP helps you look at yourself and at your marriage and family relationships.  It is not a test.  Rather, PIP enables you to see your stronger and less strong areas, those things that you do better and those things that you do less well, those things within which you should find pride and satisfaction and those things deserving a little more time and attention from you.

Each section focuses on an important area of marriage and family life.  Within each section are several statements about the most important interpersonal elements for that area.  Going through all of the sections and statements will help you look at your strengths area by area and specifically at your strengths and less strong points within each area.

To the left of the statements within each section is a blank.  Put a “5” on the blank if the statement is always true for you.  Put a “4” if it is usually true for you.  Put a “3” if it is sometimes true for you.  Put a “2” on the blank if the statement is seldom true and a “1” if it is almost never true for you.

5 = almost always true

4 = usually true

3 = sometimes true

2 = seldom true

1 = almost never true

Once you have finished a section, add together your ratings for all of the statements in that section.  This will give you a combined score.  Next, divide the combined score by the number of statements in the section.  This will give you an average score for that section.  Write in your average score for the section in the blank to the left at the beginning of the section.  Once you have finished all sections, add together your average scores for each section and then divide by the total number of sections. This will give you a composite score indicating how well you function overall as a marriage partner and family member.

Once you are finished, you will find that you have some points that represent real strengths for you and some points that represent less strong elements.  The goal is to work toward average scores of “4” or above within each section and an overall composite score of “4” or above.

How do you achieve this level?  Go back to the individual statements, locating those statements where you gave yourself a “1”, “2”, or “3”.  These represent the specific things on which you need to work.

It is important to use two approaches.  First, be sure that you spend most of your time and energy doing those things that you do well: those things where you gave yourself a “4” or “5”.  Do what you do well and do it as much as possible.

Next, begin to give some time, thought, and energy to increasing how often you show the behavior, attitude, characteristics, and so on shown in those statements where you gave yourself lower ratings.  Emphasize your strong points and gradually strengthen your less strong areas.

Below, remember to limit your responses to your relationship with others at home.

Home TOC Next


Full Spectrum Light - increase learning performance with full spectrum bulbs and task lamps.

All GaryCrow.net publications are available for download from our Downloads Page.