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Accepted By
Whom
"The question for the child is not ‘Do I
want to be good?' but ‘Whom do I want to be like?' " -- Bruno Bettelheim
A second question could be added to Bettelheim's insight, "By
whom do I want to be accepted?" As children grow, the answer to this question
becomes the answer to, "Whom do I want to be like?" Kids actively try to be
like the people by whom they most want to be accepted. Sure, this includes many
adult "role models" at home, at school, and most anywhere the child spends
time. Importantly, though, it also includes the children with whom your child
wants to be friends. The kids your child seeks out as friends and how skilled
he (or she) is at friend picking is one of the least explored but most critical
dimensions affecting whether he is "good" or not and how he understands the
meaning of being good. When all is said and done, he will be as much like his
friends as like you. As Oliver Wendell Holmes suggested, "Imitation is a
necessity of human nature;" and your child is imitating his friends.
Muhammad Ali pointed out that it's not easy to say exactly what
a friend is, "Friendship is the hardest thing in the world to explain. It's not
something you learn in school. But if you haven't learned the meaning of
friendship, you really haven't learned anything." It may not actually be
"the hardest thing in the world to explain," but it's definitely among the most
difficult. Henry David Thoreau said, "The language of friendship is not words
but meanings." This doesn't exactly explain what being a friend means either;
but it points to an important element. Your children need to learn that
friendship is based on action and meaning and not on words and promises. Albert
Camus added another element when he said, "Don't walk behind me; I may not
lead. Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be
my friend." This extends understanding but still doesn't complete the
definition.
What you quickly see is that friendship has many elements and
learning about them is complicated. The problem with this is that most kids are
learning about friends and friendship mostly from other kids. Sure, parents and
teachers are helping them learn how to behave, what's right and what's wrong,
what to do and not do, and on and on. Still, they are daily learning about
friends and friendship. What's more, other kids are their homeroom teachers. –
Do you know your child's teacher? If not, ….
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Jan 27, 2012
Andre V asked:
What Is Family Law?
When a couple with children divorces, the hardest issues to resolve generally involve custody decisions. Such matters fall under the auspices of family law, a practice area concerned with issues such as marriage, divorce, adoption, child custody, child support and other challenges that face families.
In some but not all states, matters pertaining solely to family law are heard in special courts called family courts. States that use family courts include New York, Hawaii, Delaware, Maine and North Carolina. In other states, circuit courts may address family law in addition to other legal matters.
Family Law and Child Custody Agreements
Nearly all courts encourage parents to come up with a child custody arrangement without judicial intervention. Parents can design a plan themselves or with the help of a trained professional mediator.
In instances when parents for whatever reason are unable to negotiate an arrangement, the court will come to a decision for them using a standard that considers the best interests of the child. Each state has its own laws setting forth criteria that determine how this standard should be determined, however these laws share one basic assumption: Except in cases where a parent has been convicted of a crime involving violence or sexual abuse, it is generally accepted that a child’s best interests include a continuing relationship with both parents. This means that custody will be shared in some manner whether the child spends time with both parents on an equal basis or one parent retains physical custody and the other has visitation rights.
Other factors the court evaluate in determining child custody include:
The ability of each parent to provide a safe, secure environment. The degree to which parents are able to work together to promote the best interests of their child. If a parent has functioned as the primary caretaker. For a child over the age of 12, his or her own wishes.
Spousal Support (Alimony)
Another issue that comes under the jurisdiction of family law is spousal support or alimony. Alimony functions to mitigate the negative economic effects that divorce may have on the spouse who either is not earning a wage or is earning a lower wage than his or her erstwhile partner.
Courts have considerably more discretion in awarding alimony than they have in awarding custody. The Uniform Marriage and Divorce Act, adopted by many states as a model in this regard, suggests that the following criteria be assessed in determining alimony:
Length of the marriage. Spouses’ standard of living throughout the marriage/ Age, financial status and physical and emotional state of the spouses/ Length of time it would take for the non-earning or lesser earning spouse to become financially independent/ Ability of the spouse charged with making payments to support both the spouse receiving alimony and himself or herself.
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Jan 25, 2012
Charlotte Ball asked:
Babysitting is ideal for teenagers who are good with children and need to make some extra money. The first step to landing a babysitting job however is learning how to create babysitter flyers to let the public know that you are available and how to reach you.
Most word processing programs on your computer as well as many other inexpensive software applications can be used to create babysitting flyers, newsletters, greeting cards, and even posters. There are also a number of companies online that can help you create professional babysitting flyers. If you don’t have a computer however, you can even just create babysitting flyers using colorful construction paper or stencil on white or colored paper.
The first step in creating babysitter flyers is to decide if you’re just going to use your first name or a catchy name such as Jane’s Babysitting Service. Be sure to include your home phone number for potential families to reach you. Either include your babysitting rates on the flyers or just state “reasonable rates”. Some babysitters base their rate on the number of children or how many hours the babysitting will be.
It’s also a good selling point to list any classes you have taken in babysitting, CPR, first aid, or children. Parents want someone capable and qualified to babysit their children.
Stating that references can be furnished upon request also shows potential families that you have experience in babysitting and just didn’t decide to do this on a whim. If you don’t have any experience, babysit for some friends and relatives and use them as references.
Lastly, be sure to include on the babysitting flyers if you have any preference in only certain areas to babysit. If you can only babysit in your city due to transportation issues, just state the cities you are available to babysit.
Once you have created your babysitter flyers, post them everywhere parents might go such as the shopping centers, community centers, libraries, and schools. You’ll soon be babysitting in no time.
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Auspices, Child Custody Agreements, Physical Custody
